Happy Half Birthday to Our Precious Karinne

Our dear sweet girl was born 6 months ago today.  In some ways it seems like far more time has passed since I last held her in my arms.  And yet - to think that we are halfway around to her first birthday - just seems crazy.  Time has flown by in so many ways.

Sweet Karinne - I miss your energetic kicks and wiggles, your precious long fingers and toes, your cute little lips, soft cheeks and nose, and your funny little curled ears.  How I long to hold you again and to be able watch you grow up.  So many times I have imagined how you would have fit into our family - a fourth little blond headed sweetie toddling around after your sister and brothers. And how much I look forward to spending eternity with you in heaven.  Mmmmm - that's a sweet picture!

I thought I would share this sweet quote that I've seen on other baby loss blogs:

"They say that time in heaven

is compared to 'the blink of an eye'

for us on this earth.

Sometimes it helps me

to think of my child running ahead of me

through a beautiful field

of wildflowers and butterflies;

so happy and completely caught up

in what she is doing

that when she looks behind her,

I'll already be there."

~Author Unknown

 

Such a sweet way to imagine Karinne's time in heaven before we get to join her.  

 

Happy Half Birthday to My Precious Karinne!

Love Mommy

 

P.S. - The making of "lasting impressions" last night went really well.  They turned out AMAZING!  And thankfully, I was not overcome with emotions and was able to accomplish the special task at hand.  I feel so blessed to be able to share my gifts with other families in their time of unimaginable loss.

 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

 the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

 who comforts us in all our troubles,

 so that we can comfort those in any trouble

 with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

2 Corinthians 1:3&4

 

Updates on Previous Posts

I wanted to post a few updates today about posts from a few weeks ago. 

I mentioned on October 25th a prayer request for Anastasha's family:   

"Please say a little prayer for baby Anastasha's family - Craig and Tonya DeLisi and their 8 older children.  I've gotten to know this family through the Anencephaly Blessings From Above web forum.  Anastasha was diagnosed with anencephaly and Tonya is being induced tomorrow - October 26th.  Please pray that they would be blessed with precious time, beautiful memories, and a heavenly peace on the birth day of their sweet little girl!"

As it turns out, Anastasha was born on October 26th, on her mommy's birthday, and their family was deeply blessed to spend nearly an hour with their little princess before she went to heaven.  I wanted to update you by giving a link to the lovely blog created in Anastasha's memory.  I had the honor of helping her family "beautify" the blog and tweak things here and there.  It is an amazing testament to her life, to our Savior, and to her sweet family.  You can see for yourself by clicking the following link: Precious in His Sight  

I also wanted to give an update about the "Lasting Impressions" ministry I have started in honor of Karinne.  You can read my previous post about this by clicking here.

Last week on Wednesday, I had the opportunity to meet the parents of the sweet little boy whose hand and feet impressions I made.  It was a special time getting to meet them and present them with the precious mementos of their son.  They seemed very pleased to receive these gifts and I continue to pray that the impressions will bring them some measure of comfort and healing on their grief journey.   

Sadly, I found out this morning that I have the opportunity to make "lasting impressions" for another family.  I am in the process of making arrangements to go to the same town and funeral home as last time - believe it or not. This time, the sweet baby is a girl and her life was taken by anencephaly.  I know that this time will likely be much more difficult emotionally, with the similarities to Karinne.  With a heavy heart, I ask for your prayers as I prepare to make these precious gifts.  And more importantly, I ask that you would pray for this sweet little girl's family as they mourn the loss of their beloved daughter.

Halloween

My parents visited this weekend and my mom and I went out to the cemetery to plant some bulbs at Karinne's grave.  We planted pink and white daffodils, pink tulips, lavender iris, and purple grape hyacinths.  It is my hope that these bulbs will survive the winter and the rabbits (who love to leave droppings) and that they will be blooming around Karinne's birthday in May.  

We also removed some of the faded summer flowers and added new fall ones, pumpkins, and a little scarecrow.  The boys had drawn faces on 2 of the pumpkins.  I love this little scarecrow with its cute ruffle and little smile.  It makes me smile to look at it - but also a little melancholy too.  Kinda reminds me of my expression a lot of times.  Smiling lips, but somber eyes.

Halloween last year, we were just starting to tell people that we were pregnant.  I called my sister Jessica to tell her I was pregnant too.  We were so excited that our babies would be born close together.  I remember thinking as I was taking photos of the 3 kids in their costumes last year about what our new little one would wear this year.  (Sigh)  And also thinking about how excited the kids would be in a few weeks when we would tell them the big news. (Sigh again)

In spite of the bittersweet memories - it was a lovely Halloween yesterday.  We spent the day with my folks and my sister Valerie's family at our house.  We dressed up the kids and took them trick-or-treating.  They all looked so cute!  And the weather was fabulous too.  Here are a few photos of DaNae, Noah and Ian in their costumes:

Ready for Trick or Treating - The boys would only pose if I let them make "Dragon Faces"

The Boys as Night Fury and Zippleback Dragons from "How to Train Your Dragon"

The Back View

DaNae as a Cowgirl

Choosing Life in the Midst of an Adverse Pregnancy

This week I wanted to post a link to a radio series I listened to last week on the "Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast" called Choosing Life in the Midst of an Adverse Pregnancy.   Todd and Angie Smith discuss their decision to carry their daughter Audrey to term when they were advised by doctors to terminate the pregnancy because she would not survive outside the womb.  Todd is a singer in the christian music group Selah.  Their song "I Will Carry You" and Angie's book by the same name have both meant SO MUCH to me on this journey.  

My husband actually called me during the school day on Thursday to tell me that he was listening to this broadcast and he knew I would want to hear it.  What a sweetie!  I was so glad when I was able to listen to it later on their website.  Their candid conversation about their journey with Audrey was so similar in many ways to our own journey with Karinne.  It just really touched my heart and I wanted to share it with all of you.  Especially those who have or are currently experiencing something similar.  Each session is about 28 minutes long, but well worth listening to. 

Choosing Life in the Midst of an Adverse Pregnancy (Part 1 of 2) 

Choosing Life in the Midst of an Adverse Pregnancy (Part 2 of 2)

God Bless!

PS - please say a little prayer for baby Anastasha's family - Craig and Tonya DeLisi and their 8 older children.  I've gotten to know this family through the Anencephaly Blessings From Above web forum.  Anastasha was diagnosed with anencephaly and Tonya is being induced tomorrow - October 26th.  Please pray that they would be blessed with precious time, beautiful memories, and a heavenly peace on the birth day of their sweet little girl!

Karinne's Lasting Impressions

I wanted to share today about a special opportunity I had last week to help another family who recently lost a baby.  Over the summer, I began thinking about meaningful ways to carry on a legacy in Karinne's honor.  What could I provide to other families that was unique and that may be overlooked in the shock and devastation of a sudden loss?  I thought about the special mementos that we were blessed to be able to gather since we knew ahead of time that Karinne would not be able to be with us for long.  Those special items mean so much to me now that she is gone.   But for so many families - the loss is unexpected - and the time to gather memories is SO fleeting!  So, back in August I came up with the idea that I wanted to offer to make 3D hand and foot moldings and impressions for bereaved families.  We were so blessed when Karinne was born to have a kit for this from String of Pearls and also to have our friends from Choices Medical Clinic come and create these mementos for us.  So, I ordered the supplies and discussed the idea with a few people including Brooke, the NILMDTS photographer who took photos of Karinne.  And then - I hoped and prayed that no one would need me - but if they did - that I would be "prepared" and "able" to make it happen.

Last week, through Brooke, I had the opportunity to do just that.  I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to share details of the sweet baby boy who went to heaven last week.  But I just wanted to share that I am so glad that I followed my heart and the direction that God has been leading me in starting this ministry.  My dear friend Rhonda and I were able to go and make the 3D moldings and impressions and everything came out looking great - despite our nerves, our emotions, and our lack of experience.  It is my sincere prayer that these precious impressions will bring some measure of comfort to this baby boy's family.  And that through these tiny mementos, Karinne's life and her story will continue to make a lasting impression as well.  

Please remember this family in your prayers as they mourn the loss of their tiny, beautiful son!

Karinne's Lasting Impressions:

Special Photo Gifts

In honor of Karinne's 5 month mark yesterday - I wanted to post a couple of special photo gifts that were given to me by 2 very special mommies who know the pain of losing a precious baby.  Both images were so thoughtfully created and just really make me smile!  Thanks so much Shannon and Lynne for these lovely gifts!  Feel free to click on the photos to see them larger.

Expecting Karinne

One year ago we found out we were expecting Karinne.  Of course, at that time we didn't know she was a she.  But we were sure hoping - another girl to complete our family - 2 girls & 2 boys!  And if so - Karinne would be her name - the name we had so lovingly chosen when we were pregnant with each of the boys.  We were so full of hopes and expectations - and so beautifully naive to believe those dreams could come true.  Sadly - as I have learned about acrania and neural tube defects - it was around this same time that the cells that should have formed to close Karinne's skull failed to do their job and her fate was sealed.  If only . . . oh, if only.

We had been trying for a spring baby - wonderful for a teacher!  One year ago, as that time of the month came and went, it was homecoming week at my school.  It's ironic that it fell the same week this year too.  By Friday, I had about decided that I really could be pregnant, so I picked up a test and made plans for when I would take it.  I didn't have any time with my husband that day and wanted to share the moment with him.  He was running the clock for the football game, so it would have to wait until afterwards.  And we were headed up to Nebraska for the weekend for my nephew's 2nd birthday right after the game too.  SO - I ended up peeing on the stick as we got ready to go and I stuck it back in the box to read in the car on the way.   I remember the nervousness and excitement Curt and I shared as we debated whether or not we should look at the results yet.  I think we waited at least a good 20 minutes into the drive and until the kids were deep enough into their movie not to notice anything suspicious.  And then I looked at the test and sure enough - 2 LINES - PREGNANT!!!  

We were SO excited, SO happy, SO full of hopes for this child.  But did we ever stop to wonder if anything could be wrong?  Not for a second.  Did we stop to say a prayer that everything was going perfectly?  Sadly - no.  In fact, I think our biggest concern at the time was if we would be content if God gave us another son.  We were so terribly naive, so blissfully unaware, and we so deeply took for granted the miracle of a healthy baby. 

It snowed on us that night as we headed to Nebraska, which is crazy to think of today since it is supposed to be in the mid 80's here.  In fact, by the next morning we awoke to nearly a foot of snow at my sister's house.  We had dropped off the kids at my folks' on the way and were spending the day helping install carpet in Jessica's house after some remodeling work they had done. We worked hard that day to get it all done before the birthday party  on Sunday.  I remember wondering and hoping all day that Jessica might also be pregnant because of a conversation we had earlier in the summer.  And sure enough - on Sunday after Jackson opened his gifts - they revealed through a video of his "firsts" that he was going to be a big brother!  I was so excited that we would be having babies together again and so close together - in fact our due dates were only 3 days apart!!  We kept our news to ourselves, not wanting to crowd in on their big announcement.  But boy - it sure was exciting.

And now, as I spend this day in a strange sort of deja vu experience - another homecoming  and another trip to Nebraska for Jackson's birthday this weekend - I can't help but feel the pain once again of what should be but isn't.  There is no sweet tiny baby growing in my tummy as there was last year with the anticipation of all the good things to come.  And there is no beautiful 4 month old baby Karinne in my arms.