Karinne's 2nd Birthday in Heaven

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven to our Precious Karinne Claire

Oh, how we miss and love you on this day - and every day.

Hard to believe it has been that long and yet it seems far longer. 

We sponsored our local christian radio station again this year for Karinne's birthday.  Here is the sweet radio spot they are playing today in her honor:  (Be sure to pause the music at the bottom before pushing play.)

We also found out today that we will be able to sponsor the movie "October Baby" in our town next weekend in honor of Karinne.  It is a story about a young girl's journey after finding out that she is a survivor of a failed abortion attempt.  We heard about this movie and wanted to sponsor it in Karinne's honor because we agree so much with the movie's theme that "EVERY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL".  And because Karinne is our own "October Baby" since we found out we were pregnant with her in October of 2009 and were so excited about our fourth child.  Below is a trailer for the movie.

Please send up a prayer for our family today as we all go to work and school and remember our baby girl on her special day.  We will be spending this evening celebrating her life and picking out new flowers for her garden.  I hope that the day will be filled with more smiles than tears and that God's peace will surround us once again as it did on the day of her birth and entrance into heaven.

Also - we will be gathering at Karinne's grave at around 4 pm today to send off some balloons and birthday blessings.  Anyone nearby is welcome to join us if you would like.  We would love to share some hugs, smiles, and tears with you!

Love you and miss you sweet Baby Girl!!  Again - Happy 2nd Birthday Karinne!

December

2 years ago today was the worst day of our lives - the day we found out that Karinne would never come home to live with us.  You can read more about that day by clicking here.

I am finding myself at a loss for words.  I want to write something new that describes my emotions today on this difficult anniversary.  But I can't find the words and don't have the time to take to find them.  But I wanted to post something today, so here it is.

The coming of this December has held many emotions for me as I recall December of 2009.  The coming of the Christmas season just isn't the same as it always was for me - before the worst day of our lives....  As we put up decorations, attend the children's Christmas programs, buy gifts, and prepare for family gatherings - I can't help but recall the pain of all of those things that year after we found out the bad news.  I hope that eventually, December will return to its intended beauty and that the pain associated with this day will lessen over time.  

Miss you and Love you SO MUCH Karinne!

18 Months

Today it is 18 months since my baby girl went to heaven. 

In some ways it seems like forever ago, and in so many others - it seems like just yesterday. 

What I wouldn't give to have a beautiful blond 18 month old toddling around our home and filling our hearts with joy......

The tears are fewer and farther between these days than they once were.  My blogging about her is almost nonexistent.  But the hole in my heart and the constant ache for my daughter remains the same. 

Miss you SO MUCH - Baby Girl!!  Love you SO MUCH - Karinne Claire!!

2 Months and Back To Work

Well, the time has flown by far too fast and Caiden turned 2 months old yesterday. He's getting so big and fun and more and more adorable by the day.  And unfortunately two months also means the end of my maternity leave and the return to teaching high school art tomorrow morning.  BOO-HOO!!!!  I really really don't want to go back to work tomorrow.  I will really really miss these wonderful days at home with my little man Caiden. 

I could really cry up a storm if I would let myself.  I'm going to try really hard not to do that.  I would truly appreciate prayers that everything would go as smoothly as possible - for me at work - for Caiden at daycare - for all of us trying to get ready in the morning (yikes!)  

I thought I would share a couple of photos that show how Caiden has grown and changed.  I will take a photo of him with this bear each month.  Here are the 1st 3 photos:

Caiden at 1 week

Caiden at 1 month

Caiden at 2 months

As you can see, he has grown just a little bit!  11 lbs. 8 oz  - 2 weeks ago!!!  And he's lost a lot of his hair!!

Well - Caiden is down for bed.  So I suppose I better go to bed too.  Hopefully we'll get a good night's sleep and be ready for the big day tomorrow.  Still can't believe I have to go back to work. =(

Karinne's Baby Brother

 

At long last - our Little One is here safe and sound! Our family has a new baby boy!! His name is Caiden Lee Larshus. He weighs 8 pounds 4 ounces and is 20 inches long. He was born at 9:04 am on August 15th. We are doing great so far and are SO thankful for the beautiful healthy son that God has blessed us with. Thanks so much for all of the prayers!

 

More Than One in a Million

Tonight I wanted to touch base that we are down to 5 days after today until our delivery day.  It's such a strange feeling having a set date and waiting and wondering if we will make it to that day.  This may feel like a very long week!  I've been having a fair amount of contractions here and there and we are certainly nervous that I will go into labor on my own before Monday.  Especially since my doctor is gone until Sunday!  I really, really, really want to have my planned doctor there for the c section.  But we are trying to leave it up to God - and trust that everything will turn out okay - no matter what.  Prayers please!

Oh, and - it seems we are all coming down with a yucky head cold here at our house.  Curt was pretty miserable this evening and now it has hit me during the night.  Oh, Joy!  Hopefully it will make its way out before Monday and Little One will be patient and wait!

I have added a "Follow By Email" gadget to the right sidebar of the blog.  I am hoping to phase out the use of the Caring Bridge site for letting people know about new posts.  So if you wish to continue following our journey through the blog, please sign up for the email notifications.

I also wanted to share an email and song that I received from a dear loved one this morning.   It really touched my heart and boy did the tears flow thinking about just how fitting this was for my emotions today.   I thought I would share it with all of you as well:

"Hi...We listened to our Veggie Tales lullaby CD tonight.  I hadn't listened to it since we moved.  I knew there was a song on there that was very sweet and always makes me cry.   I remember listening to it when my oldest was a baby and then I didn't listen to it as much later.  It just seems fitting with Karinne and the new baby on the way.  Karinne is more than one in a million and you'll never forget her or replace her.  And the new baby will be more than one in a million also and  you'll love that baby so much too.  

Here are the lyrics to the song.  I think you know the tune. You have probably thought of this song too.  It is just so sweet.

I love you." 

Way up above us, twinkling bright,
There must be a million stars in the sky tonight, tonight.
But don't you worry, no need to cry,
You are the only twinkle that's in my eye, tonight.
 

You're more than one in a million,
No one can take your place,
Though I could try,
There's no way that I could ever forget your face,
Youre more than one in a million,
No other ever could do,
Cause not even one in a million, could ever compare to you,
Could ever come close to you.
 

Through all the laughter, through all the tears,
Whenever you need me, I will be standing here, right here.
No need to wonder, don't ever fear,
Though you may wonder,
Ill always be right here, right here.
 

You're more than one in a million,
No one can take your place,
Though I could try,
There's no way that I could ever forget your face.
You're more than one in a million,
No other ever could do,
Not even one in a million, could ever compare to you,
Could ever come close to you.
Could ever come close to you

Here is the only version of the song that I could find.  It has been edited for this sweet baby, Eamon. The Veggie Tales version is better of course, but this one gives you the idea. Be sure to pause my playlist at the bottom before listening to the song on the video.  I hope the words touch your heart as they did each of ours.

 

Getting Ready

The summer has flown by and here we are on August 1st.  It's hard to believe since there were so many times it felt like August would never get here.  I have thought about so many different posts in the time since I last wrote anything.  But either I didn't make the time or the right words just wouldn't come.  

I thought today I should write a post to let everyone know that we are scheduled to have our Little One by c section on August 15th - Just 2 weeks away!  It is difficult to describe the rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, and feelings that have gone along with this pregnancy.  And the anxiety and worries that continue even as we draw so near to holding our baby in our arms.  A part of me still can't quite believe that he or she will actually get here safe and sound.  It's just so hard.

I've been occupying my time with a lot of "getting ready" types of projects around the house this summer - trying to prepare our home - and my heart - for the arrival of this new little one.  Here are a few of the projects where my emotions have been particularly up and down in relation to the continued process of grieving for Karinne while pregnant with a new baby:

Putting Away Some of Karinne's Things:  There is a small table in our dining room that I originally set up for the kids to do crafts at so that those things wouldn't always be on the dining table.  Well, ever since losing Karinne, this table has been occupied with a large variety of "her stuff" including a basket full of condolence cards, a flower press with blooms from her various arrangements, and several gifts that haven't quite found a home just yet.  One day when the kids were gone visiting grandparents, I made myself sit down and go through all of these items and put them away.  Although I still have many of her things in other places throughout the house, it was very difficult to put that tote full of stuff away in the basement.  It just felt so wrong and painful and brought many, many tears to my eyes and my heart.

Weaving Baby Blankets:  This summer I have completed 5 new blankets on my weaving loom.  2 for my niece and nephew who celebrated their 1st birthdays this summer.  1 for my son Ian - who just turned 4!  And who I had never gotten one made for.  And 2 for this baby - one blue and one pink.  Well, before this summer, the last weaving I did was to make Karinne's blankets while she was happily moving safely in my tummy.  It was certainly emotional and bittersweet to sit at the loom again.  But overall, it was very therapeutic as well.  

Making a Room For Baby:  We have been working on a remodeling project to make a room for Little One.  And things are coming along pretty well, although it has been a lot of work and a bit of a stressful mess.  The room is now all "White and Waiting" - as I've been calling it - since we aren't going to paint the room colors until after the baby is born.  It has been exciting to see the transformation and a fun project in many ways.  BUT - when I let myself go there - it's another sad reminder of what might have been if Karinne could have stayed.  We would have built a nursery for her a year and a half ago instead of now for this baby.  

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm thankful for this Little One and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to hopefully watch this little girl or boy grow up and grow old.  But it's just such a hard road.  Please pray for us as we continue "getting ready" for this new baby.  For peace in our hearts, for joy in our souls, and for love overflowing when we finally hold this Little One in our arms.