Monday, August 1, 2011
The summer has flown by and here we are on August 1st. It's hard to believe since there were so many times it felt like August would never get here. I have thought about so many different posts in the time since I last wrote anything. But either I didn't make the time or the right words just wouldn't come.
I thought today I should write a post to let everyone know that we are scheduled to have our Little One by c section on August 15th - Just 2 weeks away! It is difficult to describe the rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, and feelings that have gone along with this pregnancy. And the anxiety and worries that continue even as we draw so near to holding our baby in our arms. A part of me still can't quite believe that he or she will actually get here safe and sound. It's just so hard.
I've been occupying my time with a lot of "getting ready" types of projects around the house this summer - trying to prepare our home - and my heart - for the arrival of this new little one. Here are a few of the projects where my emotions have been particularly up and down in relation to the continued process of grieving for Karinne while pregnant with a new baby:
Putting Away Some of Karinne's Things: There is a small table in our dining room that I originally set up for the kids to do crafts at so that those things wouldn't always be on the dining table. Well, ever since losing Karinne, this table has been occupied with a large variety of "her stuff" including a basket full of condolence cards, a flower press with blooms from her various arrangements, and several gifts that haven't quite found a home just yet. One day when the kids were gone visiting grandparents, I made myself sit down and go through all of these items and put them away. Although I still have many of her things in other places throughout the house, it was very difficult to put that tote full of stuff away in the basement. It just felt so wrong and painful and brought many, many tears to my eyes and my heart.
Weaving Baby Blankets: This summer I have completed 5 new blankets on my weaving loom. 2 for my niece and nephew who celebrated their 1st birthdays this summer. 1 for my son Ian - who just turned 4! And who I had never gotten one made for. And 2 for this baby - one blue and one pink. Well, before this summer, the last weaving I did was to make Karinne's blankets while she was happily moving safely in my tummy. It was certainly emotional and bittersweet to sit at the loom again. But overall, it was very therapeutic as well.
Making a Room For Baby: We have been working on a remodeling project to make a room for Little One. And things are coming along pretty well, although it has been a lot of work and a bit of a stressful mess. The room is now all "White and Waiting" - as I've been calling it - since we aren't going to paint the room colors until after the baby is born. It has been exciting to see the transformation and a fun project in many ways. BUT - when I let myself go there - it's another sad reminder of what might have been if Karinne could have stayed. We would have built a nursery for her a year and a half ago instead of now for this baby.
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm thankful for this Little One and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to hopefully watch this little girl or boy grow up and grow old. But it's just such a hard road. Please pray for us as we continue "getting ready" for this new baby. For peace in our hearts, for joy in our souls, and for love overflowing when we finally hold this Little One in our arms.
Posted by Kara at 8:26 PM