Monday, January 10, 2011
8 Months and "Smiles From a Jelly Jar"
It dawned on me this afternoon as I was thinking about how to write today's post - It's been 8 months today - since Karinne was born and left us. This is the first time that I had almost forgotten about the significance of a tenth of the month and that leaves me feeling very strange. I suppose it's a good thing - grieving wise - for the milestones to begin to have less of a strangle hold on me. And yet, as with so many things, it leaves me feeling a bit guilty too. How could I possibly have almost forgotten?
8 months means that from now on - Karinne has been gone from this earth longer than she was here with us in my womb. And that fact leaves me with such bittersweet feelings as well. But I'm so grateful for those 8 months with her and for the way her short life changed ours so much. I'm thankful that she came into our lives and became a lasting part of our family - no matter how difficult the sad parts have been.
I had planned to post today about a photo that I came across the other day - a photo that I took this summer and always thought I might write about sometime. Today seemed like as good a time as any.
Smiles From a Jelly Jar:
We ate a lot of sandwiches at our house this summer, many lunches when I didn't feel up to making anything. And peanut butter and jelly was a great standby. I don't recall just exactly when we noticed it, but I think it was within a month after Karinne left us. Formed all on its own without any help from any of us - there was a sweet little smile on the lid of the jelly jar.
How did it get there? A coincidence or not? I don't know. But I do know that the sweet little smile had a wonderful way of making me smile too - even when I was at the lowest of lows. It was a reminder to me that even in the darkest of times and on the most difficult of journeys - there are bits of joy and pieces of beauty - if only you can take the time to see them. That is certainly the way our journey with Karinne has been. Yes it has been difficult. Yes it has been the most sadness we have ever experienced. But it has also been filled with beauty, with peace, with amazing joy, and with God's presence that we would never wish away.
Praying that each of you can find your own "smiles in a jelly jar" along whatever difficult journey you may be traveling. And God Bless!
Posted by Kara at 10:00 PM