It dawned on me this afternoon as I was thinking about how to write today's post - It's been 8 months today - since Karinne was born and left us. This is the first time that I had almost forgotten about the significance of a tenth of the month and that leaves me feeling very strange. I suppose it's a good thing - grieving wise - for the milestones to begin to have less of a strangle hold on me. And yet, as with so many things, it leaves me feeling a bit guilty too. How could I possibly have almost forgotten?
8 months means that from now on - Karinne has been gone from this earth longer than she was here with us in my womb. And that fact leaves me with such bittersweet feelings as well. But I'm so grateful for those 8 months with her and for the way her short life changed ours so much. I'm thankful that she came into our lives and became a lasting part of our family - no matter how difficult the sad parts have been.
Smiles From a Jelly Jar:
We ate a lot of sandwiches at our house this summer, many lunches when I didn't feel up to making anything. And peanut butter and jelly was a great standby. I don't recall just exactly when we noticed it, but I think it was within a month after Karinne left us. Formed all on its own without any help from any of us - there was a sweet little smile on the lid of the jelly jar.
How did it get there? A coincidence or not? I don't know. But I do know that the sweet little smile had a wonderful way of making me smile too - even when I was at the lowest of lows. It was a reminder to me that even in the darkest of times and on the most difficult of journeys - there are bits of joy and pieces of beauty - if only you can take the time to see them. That is certainly the way our journey with Karinne has been. Yes it has been difficult. Yes it has been the most sadness we have ever experienced. But it has also been filled with beauty, with peace, with amazing joy, and with God's presence that we would never wish away.
Praying that each of you can find your own "smiles in a jelly jar" along whatever difficult journey you may be traveling. And God Bless!
That is SOOOO cool! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete((hugz))
Jamie
Thank you for the "smile." Thanks for sharing. - Kathy
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute little jelly smile.
ReplyDeleteHugs at 8 months and everyday!
;O)
ReplyDeleteOh, Karinne.. your little ways to let your family know you are always near by is amazing! And what better way to express it then with a jelly smile. :-) I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Kara! You better keep jelly on hand all the time! You truly have a "sweet" little girl up there.
Love ya!
Angela
Kara - I remember the first time that I let one of Aislynne's little milestones almost slip away and I felt so incredibly guilty. I cried and cried to Brian and he just smiled and said, "You could never forget her and she knows that!" It IS a bittersweet time and I am thinking of you and saying a sweet prayer for you. . . . maybe even a sticky PB&J kind of prayer!! (THAT was just amazing! And what little child doesn't have a sticky, sweet jelly smile at one time?!?! How precious that even Karinne was enjoying all those PB&J lunches this summer!)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. I am also worried about forgetting my sweet Luisa. But, I don't think that I can. I am so impressed with your faith. Have a wonderful week.
ReplyDeleteKara, Thanks for sharing. The Jelly jar smile is awesome. Karinne is such a sweet baby girl. Thinking of you. Julie--Mackenzie's mommy
ReplyDeleteI'll never look at a jelly jar lid the same. I'll be hoping for a smile from Karinne. What a "sweet" reminder of your little "sweet"heart.
ReplyDeleteLove, Aunt Val
It is a strange thing that as time goes by the day-to-day things of living life naturally make our minds less aware of each significant date. I know that the 15th is tomorrow, but I couldn't remember how long it had been...I had lost count somewhere along the way. I think it's a natural process of healing and not a sign of the heart forgetting. Hugs.
ReplyDelete