Proof

First off - My family is mostly all healthy this week!  Thank you all for the prayers.  I stayed home all week except Friday as the boys recovered.  I ended up with a VERY sore throat on Thursday, but it's mostly all better now.  And thankfully the other 3 of us were spared of the nasty stomach stuff and exhaustion.  And we also ended up having snow/cold days on Tuesday and Wednesday.  So I only ended up having to take off 3 days total - instead of 5.  So glad to be back to health!! 

I had an email conversation last week that I wanted to share with you all today.  It has been on my heart ever since and I felt it was important to share it with all of you. 

From a dear loved one:

"I read everything that you post on Karinne's blog and I am always blown away by the things that happen that you write about.  I bawled when I read about the man at the cemetery.  What a neat experience that turned out to be.  

Your experience through all of this has made it harder and easier to have faith.  Do you know what I mean???  Terrible things like this make me think, what kind of God would put such wonderful people through something like this?  I am sure you have had those thoughts too. But then you have had the opportunity to touch so many lives through your experience, and there have been so many little things, like the story of a stranger that make you think, that couldn't just be a coincidence.  

I am not going to lie to you and say that I have strong faith.  I know that I should believe, and I want to believe, and I do believe, but sometimes it is just so hard to believe.   You have had incredible faith through all of this.  It seems like your faith has been one of the only things that has allowed you to be so outwardly strong.  I know you have probably been dying inside, but you have always seemed so strong.  

I look at that from my side and wonder what would I do?  I am afraid to think how I might handle something like this.  You have used this as an opportunity to bless other people.  It is sad that other people have lost babies and are going through similar experiences, but your faith seems to be so helpful to so many people.  The families that you have been able to make impressions for will always cherish those items and will always remember the wonderful mommy that came and blessed them.  That is amazing.  What a beautiful tribute to your little girl.  I can only imagine that was God's plan.  It is terrible that you had to feel so much pain, but you, your family and Karinne have touched so many people's lives.  You make me want to be a better mother, wife, and person and all without you even knowing it.  I am confident that there are many other people whose lives you have touched in similar ways."

My Response:

"Thanks for sharing these thoughts on Karinne, on my faith, and on your own faith struggle.  I appreciate your thinking I have such strong faith - and yet I know that it could be a lot stronger than it is.  I struggle sometimes too with the "are you sure God is real?" type of thoughts.  Like "what if He's not?" But I HAVE to believe that He IS real, that Jesus is real, and that Heaven is real.  That I will see and hold my baby again one day.  If I didn't believe all of that - I'm not sure I could go on, or could have gotten through all of this.  

When I think about how I know God is real - one particular thing comes to mind every time.  I KNOW He is real because of the proof of the day of Karinne's birth.  There is NO other explanation for the peace and beauty we felt on the day of her birth and death than that God was present on that day - in that hospital - in those rooms.  That He held us, carried us, loved us, and comforted us.  Especially Curt and I - but also everyone else who was there for her day.  There is no way we could have experienced that day the way we did without a supernatural presence.  I TRULY believe that - no matter the doubts I may have had on other days before and since.

Several times I've looked back at that day and thought - "Why wasn't I hysterical?  Why wasn't I bawling?  How did I possibly get through all of that?  And with a smile on my face?"  Of course there were many, many tears that day and the deepest sadness and longing I have ever felt.  But above all else - there was this overwhelming PEACE - that cannot be explained in any other way.  That's my proof that God is real.  And that's where my faith comes from." 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4:7

 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   John 14:27

 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1