LOOKS Good

I just wanted to post a quick note about the sonogram today.  Everything LOOKS good from what we could tell.  Hopefully we will get official news tomorrow at some point once the images are read by the radiologist they have to send them off to.  But we are breathing at least a partial sigh of relief that things LOOKED good to us and to the sonogram technician.  We saw a very round looking skull and all of the organs were present and accounted for. 

 YAY!!!!!

Like I said - nothing is official yet.  But looked good so far.

Thank you to everyone for all of the prayers.  Please keep em coming!

I will post again when we hear the official news.  And I will try to put up pics from the sonogram soon too. 

Oh, and by the way - we did NOT find out the baby's gender - in case anyone is wondering.  Call us old fashioned, but we may not find out at all.  Or we may find out later - but not tell anyone.  Sorry folks!  Hope you can all handle the suspense!  =)

Sonogram Tomorrow - Hopefully

I've been having trouble finding words to share this week.  But I've wanted to share these photo cards for a while - so today is the day.  These are the cards I sent out with our very late Christmas cards.  People actually received them on Valentine's day.

Karinne's card is actually like a VERY late birth announcement card.  I added the footprints and two more photos to the image at the top of the blog.  I have been meaning to get around and add her footprints to the blog image too, but haven't gotten it done yet.  Love those little footprints!!

The other card shows each of the kids on their birthdays this year.  The older 3 posing with their birthday cakes that I made them, although you can't really see the boys' in these photos.  I was just telling my mom the other day how I wish I had made a cake for Karinne's birthday - to have had at the hospital.  I would sure love to have a photo of her with a special birthday cake I made just for her.  

So let's see - I've had some rough moments this last week - not too many but a few.  I've been trying not to stress too much about our upcoming sonogram.  We are supposed to have it tomorrow.  If the snow doesn't prevent the traveling technician from getting here.  We have a snow day from school today because we have about 4 inches on the ground already and are forecasted to get 8 to 10 with wind.  So - I'm trying not to get my hopes - or nerves - up too much in case we get pushed back AGAIN.  

Tomorrow is March 9th - another sonogram on a "9th".  (It was December 9th, 09 when Karinne was diagnosed with acrania.)  I'm really trying not to let this freak me out too much.  And then the next day is the 10th - Karinne's 10 month mark.  So hard to believe her birthday is coming up so soon.  And we'll probably hear back from my doctor that day the official news from the sonogram - once she hears back from the radiologist. 

A couple of other things have happened this week that have shaken me a bit - which I'm not ready to share here yet.  (Sorry.)  But I would really appreciate your prayers for our sonogram tomorrow (hopefully) - that it would be ALL GOOD NEWS with our new little baby.  So that Curt and I, the kids, and all our loved ones can breathe a huge sigh of relief.  And begin to make plans for the future that hopefully include this new little one getting to come home with us to stay. 

Dr. Appointment

I just thought I would let everyone know that my doctor appointment went well today.  We got to hear Baby's heartbeat.  Strong and fast.  And my doctor said - "very wiggly!"  It was so GREAT to hear that beautiful sound!  I figured I would cry just to hear it - but I just smiled as I listened.  Ian came with me to have his ear checked, and his face lit up to hear it too.  

We have tentatively scheduled a sonogram for next Wednesday.  It's good to know when it will hopefully be.  A traveling sonogram tech comes to our small town hospital every Wednesday.  So I guess that's when we will be having it - unless something comes up.  I'm really hoping that it will be the same tech we had at the 9 week scan.  She was wonderfully friendly and open with us about what she saw.  That would be a huge blessing! 

I'm sure I will become more and more nervous as Wednesday draws near.  But it will be such a relief when we hopefully find out our baby looks healthy so far. 

Thanks for all the prayers!

Snow Fun

All winter long, we have been planning to build a snowman and snow angels out at the cemetery for Karinne.  And all winter long, with each passing snowfall, for one reason or another we haven't gotten it done.  Well finally, on February 11th, my birthday, I decided I wanted to go out and do just that.  Here are some photos of how our afternoon turned out. 

We all took turns making snow angels and posing for photos.  I decided not to share the ones of Curt and I on the ground!  =)  It was a lovely day with the temps in the 40's.  The snow was almost too moist for snow angels.  But we got them done.

 

 

The warm weather made the snow PERFECT for snowman making.  Our little "Snow Girl" came together quite nicely with various decorative touches we brought from home.

 

 

Isn't She Cute!!

The snow was also PERFECT for snowball fights.  When we were finished with the snowgirl, we spent some time having a snowball fight and playing catch with the snow balls.  Once more, it was great to be the only grave in our area.  We were all over the place out there!

 

Before we left, we decided to make Karinne's name in the snow a few more times.  This next one is one DaNae made.

 

And this last one, Curt and I made with our boot tracks in the snow.  It was so big, Curt had to climb up on top of the blazer to take the photo.  And it was actually TWO photos that I photoshop-ed together.  Oh, how I love to see her name!

Oh, and - I finally have my doctor appointment tomorrow - Wednesday - that was rescheduled from 2 weeks ago.  Excited to hear that amazing heartbeat!!  And hopefully we will finally schedule a sonogram to check if everything looks okay with the baby.  I'm looking forward to those results with both excitement and nervousness - hopefulness and dread.  We would greatly appreciate your continued prayers.

Aurelia Rose

Today as I got ready to write this week's post, I began by reading back over all of your sweet comments last week after I announced our pregnancy news.  A big thanks to all of you that posted kind words of love and support!  Each comment brought me such warm feelings and tears of gladness at how truly loved we are.  What a blessing!  Thank you - Thank you - Thank you!!

Thanks also for your continued prayers.  I know at least some of you have been praying because I have felt a calmness this week - even in the midst of not knowing any news yet.  I didn't get to have my checkup on Tuesday because my doctor was sick and missed a few days of work.  And the soonest they could reschedule me was March 2nd!  Bummer!  I was SO looking forward to hearing the baby's heartbeat.  We were even going to take the kids since it was an evening appointment.  It would have been very neat to share that with them.  Thankfully I hadn't told them about that part yet - so they weren't disappointed. 

So - no news yet on when we will have our next sonogram.  But I'm trying to think positively.  The longer we wait, the more they will be able to tell us about the health of the baby overall.  And - if it's God's plan for this baby to have issues - I am glad to have a few weeks longer of not knowing.  

Today I want to share the Caring Bridge site of a sweet and beautiful family whose amazing baby girl was also diagnosed with acrania.  Here's a link to their site:  Aurelia Rose DeWolf

I found out about Katrina, Matt and their sweet Aurelia two weeks ago when I received an email from a dear friend of theirs named Sue:

"You don't know me but I want to thank you.  When I heard that Katrina, my best friends daughter was having her first baby ... we were all so excited for Katrina.  When she was about 14 weeks along she found out that the baby has  Acrania.  I had never heard of this.  By some miracle I was lead to your web site.  I forwarded your website to Katrina and Matt.  You have no idea how much it has helped them. I don't know if or when she herself will contact you but at some point I am sure she would like to thank you.  Your telling of your brave beautiful story made Katrina start her own story at caringbridge.org.  She is due to have the baby in about 4 week and it will be bittersweet.  Her last blog was she wishes she could be pregnant forever so she could protect her baby.  It  was so hard for us to read but so true as well.  Without the courage from your writings I know this journey that she has been on would have been so much harder.  She told me yesterday that she doesn't feel alone and that with her faith and the love and support of the people around her she will get through this.  She said that she goes back to your web site often when she needs strength.  Thank you thank you and may God bless you and your family. "

When I read this email - I just broke down sobbing for this family.  Why does this have to happen to other families?  And I fell down on my knees to pray for their family through my tears.  

And yet - I was so glad to know how Karinne's life and her story was helping them so much.  Giving them courage.  And hope.  And the belief that it's possible to find beauty in this impossible pain.

I have since emailed with Sue and also Katrina a little bit.  I asked if it would be okay for me to post about Aurelia and ask for prayers for her family.  Katrina was so grateful that I would be willing to do that.  So here we are.   Please take a minute to pray for Katrina and Matt as they near the end of their pregnancy with Aurelia.  Also if you can, please visit their site and leave them a message of support.  I know that those messages - from strangers, family and friends - were such heavenly blessings to us when they appeared on our Caring Bridge last year.  Please join me in doing the same for Katrina and Matt.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.                          2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4

A Valentine's Announcement

I'm sitting here today trying to come up with the best way - the most unique way - the most special way to share with you what I want to share with you today.  It's Valentine's Day for goodness sake - I should have a sweet and sappy post.  But the words just aren't coming. 

So - I think I am just going to come right out and say it....

We've told our children...

We've told our families...

We've told our friends...

We've told our church...

We've told our community...

And now it's time to tell all of you.  

We're going to have another BABY!!!

We are currently 13 weeks along with our sweet little one.  And our official due date is August 22nd.  We have been waiting to share the news until we felt ready to tell our 3 older children.  We told them the big news on Friday, and although the moment of telling them didn't quite turn out as picture perfect as we imagined, they are certainly thrilled at the chance to have a new brother or sister.  The boys are hoping for a brother and DaNae of course wants another sister.  And they are so very hopeful that this time - our baby will get to come home to live with us.

We are filled with joy and also a lot of nerves as we share this news.  We will be having a sonogram in the next week or two to rule out acrania or anencephaly and would greatly appreciate your prayers for a beautifully round little head to show up on that sonogram.  Of course I now have the disadvantage of knowing of "a thousand other things that could go wrong."  But I am just trying to trust that everything will turn out okay.

Again - we would so greatly appreciate your prayers for the safe and healthy arrival of our 5th child in August.  And your prayers for our family as we continue to mourn the loss of our sweet Karinne - whose "footprints on our hearts" couldn't possibly be filled by any other.  

Proof

First off - My family is mostly all healthy this week!  Thank you all for the prayers.  I stayed home all week except Friday as the boys recovered.  I ended up with a VERY sore throat on Thursday, but it's mostly all better now.  And thankfully the other 3 of us were spared of the nasty stomach stuff and exhaustion.  And we also ended up having snow/cold days on Tuesday and Wednesday.  So I only ended up having to take off 3 days total - instead of 5.  So glad to be back to health!! 

I had an email conversation last week that I wanted to share with you all today.  It has been on my heart ever since and I felt it was important to share it with all of you. 

From a dear loved one:

"I read everything that you post on Karinne's blog and I am always blown away by the things that happen that you write about.  I bawled when I read about the man at the cemetery.  What a neat experience that turned out to be.  

Your experience through all of this has made it harder and easier to have faith.  Do you know what I mean???  Terrible things like this make me think, what kind of God would put such wonderful people through something like this?  I am sure you have had those thoughts too. But then you have had the opportunity to touch so many lives through your experience, and there have been so many little things, like the story of a stranger that make you think, that couldn't just be a coincidence.  

I am not going to lie to you and say that I have strong faith.  I know that I should believe, and I want to believe, and I do believe, but sometimes it is just so hard to believe.   You have had incredible faith through all of this.  It seems like your faith has been one of the only things that has allowed you to be so outwardly strong.  I know you have probably been dying inside, but you have always seemed so strong.  

I look at that from my side and wonder what would I do?  I am afraid to think how I might handle something like this.  You have used this as an opportunity to bless other people.  It is sad that other people have lost babies and are going through similar experiences, but your faith seems to be so helpful to so many people.  The families that you have been able to make impressions for will always cherish those items and will always remember the wonderful mommy that came and blessed them.  That is amazing.  What a beautiful tribute to your little girl.  I can only imagine that was God's plan.  It is terrible that you had to feel so much pain, but you, your family and Karinne have touched so many people's lives.  You make me want to be a better mother, wife, and person and all without you even knowing it.  I am confident that there are many other people whose lives you have touched in similar ways."

My Response:

"Thanks for sharing these thoughts on Karinne, on my faith, and on your own faith struggle.  I appreciate your thinking I have such strong faith - and yet I know that it could be a lot stronger than it is.  I struggle sometimes too with the "are you sure God is real?" type of thoughts.  Like "what if He's not?" But I HAVE to believe that He IS real, that Jesus is real, and that Heaven is real.  That I will see and hold my baby again one day.  If I didn't believe all of that - I'm not sure I could go on, or could have gotten through all of this.  

When I think about how I know God is real - one particular thing comes to mind every time.  I KNOW He is real because of the proof of the day of Karinne's birth.  There is NO other explanation for the peace and beauty we felt on the day of her birth and death than that God was present on that day - in that hospital - in those rooms.  That He held us, carried us, loved us, and comforted us.  Especially Curt and I - but also everyone else who was there for her day.  There is no way we could have experienced that day the way we did without a supernatural presence.  I TRULY believe that - no matter the doubts I may have had on other days before and since.

Several times I've looked back at that day and thought - "Why wasn't I hysterical?  Why wasn't I bawling?  How did I possibly get through all of that?  And with a smile on my face?"  Of course there were many, many tears that day and the deepest sadness and longing I have ever felt.  But above all else - there was this overwhelming PEACE - that cannot be explained in any other way.  That's my proof that God is real.  And that's where my faith comes from." 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 4:7

 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   John 14:27

 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1