School Girl charm

Friday, October 1, 2010

To Speak Their Name

As I've written before, I have been participating in an online bible study group through Anchored By Hope.  Each Sunday evening, using an online conference call I meet with 10 other moms who have also experienced the loss of one or more babies.  It has been an amazing experience so far just being able to talk with, cry with and even laugh with these other women who truly understand what it's like to lose a baby.   We have shared our stories and gotten to know each other through the blogs that several of us have.  And we have started working through the bible verses and grief support questions in the book Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy.

One of the moms this week made a comment that I just can't seem to get out of my head.  We were talking about a question in the book that stated: "How would you like to be comforted now?" This particular mom shared that she would like for the people in her life to be brave enough   

to speak her child's name. 

It seems like such a simple thing.  And yet, just to speak their name can mean the world to a grieving parent.  When a baby dies people seem to become so afraid of causing more pain to the parent, that they think it's better to just say nothing at all.  They are worried that they will make you cry or that their words will bring up uncomfortable feelings.  Believe me - as this same mom stated - we would much prefer to cry with you in a genuine conversation about our beloved child than to go home and cry all alone feeling that you didn't even care.  

One of the greatest fears of a grieving parent is that their precious little one will be forgotten - by family, by friends, by the world.  A parent never forgets - that missing part of their whole will be gone from them forever.  But it is so very important to have others remember as well. And to know that in some small way - the life of their child has made a lasting impact.  

To all those who are reading this and don't know how to bring comfort to their grieving loved one - please remember how truly comforting it is to hear others Speak Their Child's Name.  

 Ah - Karinne - Such sweet music to my ears! 


  1. Was thinking about last year when you told me you were expecting and the nervous excitement as you shared the hope of number 4. We were just finishing presenting at the gifted seminar. Then other day I was cleaning off the fridge and found the announcement for Karinne's name and sex. Her name does have a hug feeling to it, if that makes any sense. Peaceful. She does leave an impact. Thanks for the words of insight. Hope you have a good weekend! Jerri

  2. So very well said! I am so afraid Eli will not matter to anyone but my husband and me. Thank you for sharing this!

  3. I too, know what you mean Kara. We have no pictures of our precious little girl, so I can't even show people when I talk about her - However, I carry her image with me everyday!! I know I will never forget, but after four years, I've already seen how others have. It hurts every time I think of her and speak her precious name . . . . . Aislynne

  4. I couldn't agree more. I love to say Olivia's name but can see a wince in people's eyes when I bring her up. It seems like some of our family have already forgotten but I know I never will be able to (or want to be able to!)

  5. Wow, Kara! Very well said! You have such a good way with words! Jodi

  6. Kara, it sounds like a great support group that you have found to help you in dealing with the loss of Karinne. It is such a great blessing to help keep our angel babies names alive. I am so glad that others see the importance of saying our angel's names. Blessings to you and thanks for sharing this with others. I love hearing Brett's name.

  7. You spoke this truth so well! I love to speak of Lilly and I talk about Karinne to others as well. People do tend to wince sometimes when I say the names, and I am in total agreement with your words.

  8. It sounds like the bible study is going great...I am happy you are getting to be a part of it. I love to her Ella's name and to hear others speak it. I talk about Karinne too:)

  9. It really does mean so much to hear your child's name spoken.